One more word from Mr. Chucks before we press on: I didn't mention this to you in the last chapter because a)corporate policy required an illumination, I mean an ad and b)I don't want to be seen as defying the corporate values---the reason why I am not actually called a narrator---which used to be a pretty important job--without the benefits---I have been relegated to writing "purports" for the past five years for the solid fiscal reason that the narrator contract includes healthcare benefits, and they hired me as an 'independent contractor'
hence the fuss about 'purports'.As far as I am concerned they are not the same, and I vow to my readers that I will put my finest narration into the purports!
It was the second year of Global Warming. Its full impact was felt in the poles(the Northern Pole which had recently been claimed as sovereign Russian territory), unprecedented flooding in Europe, draughts, hurricanes, dead fish in China's industrial bathed waters---its influence, in short, was felt by everyone, everywhere. The field of Kurukshetra stood barren, bereft of green life. Kuruk avenue is in the old, industrial part of town and there used to be a massive field there, not far from the zoo. Some of you might remember the time Chauncey, the Bengal elephant broke out, that was one hell of a day’s work. Today the Kuruk Shetra Shopping mall glimmers like a diamond in that old field. On the other hand, it had to be debated whether getting out of the car in this kind of heat was worth it. The UV rays were peaking out in full profusion.
As I drove up in my Brahma 4x4 past the procession of sleek autos glistening like chariots in the sun, some old codger turned up his radio… "Bye, bye Miss American Pie. Drove my chevy to the levee... That's Don McLean with American Pie." From the towers a KBAG radio the announcer delivers the blow by blow: “Fans and citizens, it is Sunday the first of eighteen days of hornblowing, chariot racing, soul fabricating warfare in the Kurukshetra shopping arena! Jim, to be honest, I’ve never seen a more opulent clearance sale parade...”
“Well that’s right Verne, and remember, Bhagavad America is committed to worldwide domination in the spiritual marketplace. You see this event has a venerable history built right into it. Celestial Sky ™ has their work cut out for them. And there at the center of it all is Mr. Joe ("Uncle") Beemer the man being interviewed for Bhagavad’s marketing guru position, it looks like he’s talking to some little blue guy… I can’t quite make it out…Rumor has it that the Big Guy is going to "manifest" or make an appearance, show up, whatever... We’re going to take it down to Julie who is in the parking lot right now. Julie can you get close enough to confirm this or to get an interview?”
“Well, no, Verne, I don’t know if you are able to grasp the significance of it, but I have never in all my life witnessed a more opulent display of materiality!! Such a sale! You know it’s being slated as the End of the World Clearance. As I stand here today I am awed!! OMYGOD it’s, can it actually BE? There’s HARRY KRISHNA, CEO of Bhagavad Enterprises. Jim and Verne, are you getting this? I am blinded by the solar reflections from the procession of sleek, metallic autos, cranberry minivans, Brahma and Ram trucks, green Infiniti, the pink clouds and the silver blue sky. Flags aflying, trumpets ablaring…families with bulging carts full of household gears and knicknacks. Hallelujah.”
Beemer and Chairman K. stepped up on the platform to greet the crowds. The marketing guru grabbed a hold of the mike and belted out: “Welcome All to Bhagavad America’s Final Clearance Sale. Tell me, people have you ever seen a parking lot more boomin' than this one and on a Sunday at that! Now some of you didn’t get to go to church and I am here to tell you that it’s OK. There’s that nagging doubt that you should be going to church and yet shopping needs to be done. We are here to reveal the new game. You want to moralize about it. But I’m telling you shopping is where it’s at. You know that, we know that and let’s face it shopping is the de facto state religion in America today. We have got customer education seminars going on 24/7 in our superstores to justify our belief. People are you with me?”
Questions flew up out of the crowd…
“Mr. Beemer would you say that this is the busiest sale ever?”
“Bottom line: yes. We find that when you stop selling the pie in the sky ™ type of religion, well, just stop and take a look around. Begin with people as they are and their shopping habits---then let’s face it----the Sacred Superstore is obvious!”
In a fit of inspiration he shouted: "Bhagavad America is putting Sacred Trust into your hands. Dial 1-800-spiritt or enroll online at www.bhagavadamerica.com and earn 1000 points. Save up to 100% at Eurobhag Sacred Themepark as part of the non-spending ™ promotion.”
Cheering thundered up to the sky… “Excuse me Verne, did he say that shopping is the actual religion in America? And that Eurobhag is promoting non-spending?”
“Well, I think so Johnny...I mean about the first part, but as far as non-spending, in my opinion, that’s going too far. Anyway the people are liking it.”
Intricate beats of rap music thundered from the platform, it was the big sale theme song:"azzitwazz azzitizz azzitwillbe dotcom."
“Uh, Mr. Beemer, I am not certain if I heard you correctly…”
“The hell you didn’t! Listen to me, are you blind or something? Hand me a copy of CQ magazine or TeeVee Guide, turn on the TV forchrissakes and look closely at the ads. Are you going to try to tell me that this isn’t the best and the brightest? Have you ever in your life seen such beautiful colors, designs, images and logos, all set to sublime music.
Man this is the Picasso of our age. What about the words, the message, the psychology---tell me that isn’t the high point of human output today. And it’s all done in a corporate manner so we don’t have to nurse egos and deal with primadonnas and big shots. I’m sorry, it’s all in place, everything is right there. Advertising is the avatar of our age---it is not only more important than religion, it is religion! And it’s all being sanctioned from on high by our celestial executives up there in Bhagavad’s corporate tower's Whiskey and Rye Tavern.”
A man that looked like Homer Simpson blurted out...
“Hey, what’s in it for me and my family? You one-percenters get rich and we gotta spend our hard earned dough.”
Mr. Krishna stepped up to the microphone, “do you mind if I field this one Uncle Joe?”
Hey there, here’s somebody that’s talking sense. Yessir you’re showing some real instincts now. All we are saying is give the market a chance ™. The market is glutted, the fields are ripe for harvest---this is the only game in town.”
And I swear to you as I stand here today…Mr. Krishna started to expand in front of us with a voice like ten thousand rushing waters in Dolbi ™ surround. “I repeat this is the only game in town and let me assure you, you are ready for it. Don’t sell yourselves short. Cowardice does not become you. I brought you together here for a reason---”
Beemer jumped in, "Don't worry about the words 'good' or 'bad' because we now own them! Corporate voodoo is stronger than any sacred meal or Bhagavadburger that R. Juna can dish out at McVishnus. Forget about the underlings who are rats, dogs, whores----they deserve everything we can manufacture, including terror. Get your people hooked on the language twist---they are going to love it I tell you! Makes them feel superior. They are going to lick it up, man this is the only game in town."
"Twist the language, damn it. Get the religion in the product name. Make the marketing department into an evangelical incubator proliferating belief in products and services. Use some imagination---call the newest perfume scent "Eternal Stream", act as if the sandwich you are selling is the pearl of great price!! Call computers 'Prodigy', and the same for software---Genesis, Word---treat it like the miracle it is---none of these pathetic individuals could even come close to creating one of our products, and with television ads, the multimillion dollar budget ensures that there is no artistic competition...our ideas reign supreme in the USA, I repeat advertizing is the avatar of our age" the Chairman cut off his speech. Addressing an attractive middle aged woman with dark wavy hair at shoulder length, he called "Oh Susan, can you get me out the sacred books and get me some dope on the other religions our rival corporation is trying to sell. We're taking them all on! Our store is the only game in town...Now do it!"
"Yes sir Sri."
We leave the field of action in order to focus on a few individuals who were not happy with what they were hearing. Up in the corporate tower of Bhagavad America Corporate Central looking down on the parade we find R. Juna. But not before the insertion of a Purport or transcendental explanation of the first section of Bhagavad America entitled: Unbelievable Final Clearance Sale.
Purport (Written by His Divine Grace Chuck E.Bucks):
Fact of the matter is the same as it was in the original Bhagavad story but there is one twist: Chairman K. actually works both sides of the opposing corporate forces. This is what R. Juna cannot see. Chairman K. has upped the ante in the spiritual superstore marketplace warfare (ssmw--SMAW ). I mean it sounds nice but remember that is PR---it's supposed to sound nice! They are paying beaucoups bucks and working their tails off to make it sound good!! In fact Beemer's strategy was to completely eradicate freedom, truth, understanding and peace on earth by forcing R. Juna to act. Bottomline is nobody can lose. This is the timeless message of Krishna---that which lives, lives always.
Be that as it may, for Beemer and R. Juna who are inside the conditioned corporate world, the conflict is absolutely a matter of passion and sacred duty. The strategy of Bhag-Mart is to put every other store out of business so that all of the citizens will be dependent upon one line of production, one set of merchandise, then the market will be perfectly predictable---hallelujah! By promoting fighting and opposition within the same organization, Chairman K. is allowing the Big Boys to truly profit, through 100% control of both the dark and light side of man's nature.
Another way of saying this: Bhagavad America is the widely read theistic science which accounts for human aspirations and cultural manifestations in the United States in the early part of the 21st century. The work in some sense parallels The Bhagavad-Gita where a sacred battle that lasts 18 days ensues on the field of Kurukshetra. There the hero, Arjuna, falls into despair and requests not to fight against his cousins and his uncles. In the present narrative, Mr. Beemer (Bhima and other epithets) is seen at the Kurukshetra Shopping Center promoting the Bhagavad America Sacred Superstore. Krishna appears in this story as the chairman of Bhagavad Enterprises. Unbelievable Price Reduction is the opening move of R. Juna and Chairman Krishna in the ‘marketing battle’ about to ensue. Ray Juna’s enemies are very unhappy with Bhagavad America’s current marketing strategy and the mention of non-spending ™ has R. Juna in a tizzie.
The station drifted into a scratchy noise, the dial got turned up from NPR.
"Is reality primarily remembered or anticipated---"
"Or both?" she interrupted.
THIS is BULLSHIT!!! ppbc (perfectpresencebroadcastingcorporation)(tm)
By the time you have written it down, you have already gone too far. Socrates' prohibition against writing philosophy as expressed in the Phaedrus. "Philosophy, itself, written down is sheer verbiage---the crucial thing is coming to the insight---experience is the key."
hence the fuss about 'purports'.As far as I am concerned they are not the same, and I vow to my readers that I will put my finest narration into the purports!
It was the second year of Global Warming. Its full impact was felt in the poles(the Northern Pole which had recently been claimed as sovereign Russian territory), unprecedented flooding in Europe, draughts, hurricanes, dead fish in China's industrial bathed waters---its influence, in short, was felt by everyone, everywhere. The field of Kurukshetra stood barren, bereft of green life. Kuruk avenue is in the old, industrial part of town and there used to be a massive field there, not far from the zoo. Some of you might remember the time Chauncey, the Bengal elephant broke out, that was one hell of a day’s work. Today the Kuruk Shetra Shopping mall glimmers like a diamond in that old field. On the other hand, it had to be debated whether getting out of the car in this kind of heat was worth it. The UV rays were peaking out in full profusion.
As I drove up in my Brahma 4x4 past the procession of sleek autos glistening like chariots in the sun, some old codger turned up his radio… "Bye, bye Miss American Pie. Drove my chevy to the levee... That's Don McLean with American Pie." From the towers a KBAG radio the announcer delivers the blow by blow: “Fans and citizens, it is Sunday the first of eighteen days of hornblowing, chariot racing, soul fabricating warfare in the Kurukshetra shopping arena! Jim, to be honest, I’ve never seen a more opulent clearance sale parade...”
“Well that’s right Verne, and remember, Bhagavad America is committed to worldwide domination in the spiritual marketplace. You see this event has a venerable history built right into it. Celestial Sky ™ has their work cut out for them. And there at the center of it all is Mr. Joe ("Uncle") Beemer the man being interviewed for Bhagavad’s marketing guru position, it looks like he’s talking to some little blue guy… I can’t quite make it out…Rumor has it that the Big Guy is going to "manifest" or make an appearance, show up, whatever... We’re going to take it down to Julie who is in the parking lot right now. Julie can you get close enough to confirm this or to get an interview?”
“Well, no, Verne, I don’t know if you are able to grasp the significance of it, but I have never in all my life witnessed a more opulent display of materiality!! Such a sale! You know it’s being slated as the End of the World Clearance. As I stand here today I am awed!! OMYGOD it’s, can it actually BE? There’s HARRY KRISHNA, CEO of Bhagavad Enterprises. Jim and Verne, are you getting this? I am blinded by the solar reflections from the procession of sleek, metallic autos, cranberry minivans, Brahma and Ram trucks, green Infiniti, the pink clouds and the silver blue sky. Flags aflying, trumpets ablaring…families with bulging carts full of household gears and knicknacks. Hallelujah.”
Beemer and Chairman K. stepped up on the platform to greet the crowds. The marketing guru grabbed a hold of the mike and belted out: “Welcome All to Bhagavad America’s Final Clearance Sale. Tell me, people have you ever seen a parking lot more boomin' than this one and on a Sunday at that! Now some of you didn’t get to go to church and I am here to tell you that it’s OK. There’s that nagging doubt that you should be going to church and yet shopping needs to be done. We are here to reveal the new game. You want to moralize about it. But I’m telling you shopping is where it’s at. You know that, we know that and let’s face it shopping is the de facto state religion in America today. We have got customer education seminars going on 24/7 in our superstores to justify our belief. People are you with me?”
Questions flew up out of the crowd…
“Mr. Beemer would you say that this is the busiest sale ever?”
“Bottom line: yes. We find that when you stop selling the pie in the sky ™ type of religion, well, just stop and take a look around. Begin with people as they are and their shopping habits---then let’s face it----the Sacred Superstore is obvious!”
In a fit of inspiration he shouted: "Bhagavad America is putting Sacred Trust into your hands. Dial 1-800-spiritt or enroll online at www.bhagavadamerica.com and earn 1000 points. Save up to 100% at Eurobhag Sacred Themepark as part of the non-spending ™ promotion.”
Cheering thundered up to the sky… “Excuse me Verne, did he say that shopping is the actual religion in America? And that Eurobhag is promoting non-spending?”
“Well, I think so Johnny...I mean about the first part, but as far as non-spending, in my opinion, that’s going too far. Anyway the people are liking it.”
Intricate beats of rap music thundered from the platform, it was the big sale theme song:"azzitwazz azzitizz azzitwillbe dotcom."
“Uh, Mr. Beemer, I am not certain if I heard you correctly…”
“The hell you didn’t! Listen to me, are you blind or something? Hand me a copy of CQ magazine or TeeVee Guide, turn on the TV forchrissakes and look closely at the ads. Are you going to try to tell me that this isn’t the best and the brightest? Have you ever in your life seen such beautiful colors, designs, images and logos, all set to sublime music.
A man that looked like Homer Simpson blurted out...
“Hey, what’s in it for me and my family? You one-percenters get rich and we gotta spend our hard earned dough.”
Mr. Krishna stepped up to the microphone, “do you mind if I field this one Uncle Joe?”
Hey there, here’s somebody that’s talking sense. Yessir you’re showing some real instincts now. All we are saying is give the market a chance ™. The market is glutted, the fields are ripe for harvest---this is the only game in town.”
And I swear to you as I stand here today…Mr. Krishna started to expand in front of us with a voice like ten thousand rushing waters in Dolbi ™ surround. “I repeat this is the only game in town and let me assure you, you are ready for it. Don’t sell yourselves short. Cowardice does not become you. I brought you together here for a reason---”
Beemer jumped in, "Don't worry about the words 'good' or 'bad' because we now own them! Corporate voodoo is stronger than any sacred meal or Bhagavadburger that R. Juna can dish out at McVishnus. Forget about the underlings who are rats, dogs, whores----they deserve everything we can manufacture, including terror. Get your people hooked on the language twist---they are going to love it I tell you! Makes them feel superior. They are going to lick it up, man this is the only game in town."
"Twist the language, damn it. Get the religion in the product name. Make the marketing department into an evangelical incubator proliferating belief in products and services. Use some imagination---call the newest perfume scent "Eternal Stream", act as if the sandwich you are selling is the pearl of great price!! Call computers 'Prodigy', and the same for software---Genesis, Word---treat it like the miracle it is---none of these pathetic individuals could even come close to creating one of our products, and with television ads, the multimillion dollar budget ensures that there is no artistic competition...our ideas reign supreme in the USA, I repeat advertizing is the avatar of our age" the Chairman cut off his speech. Addressing an attractive middle aged woman with dark wavy hair at shoulder length, he called "Oh Susan, can you get me out the sacred books and get me some dope on the other religions our rival corporation is trying to sell. We're taking them all on! Our store is the only game in town...Now do it!"
"Yes sir Sri."
We leave the field of action in order to focus on a few individuals who were not happy with what they were hearing. Up in the corporate tower of Bhagavad America Corporate Central looking down on the parade we find R. Juna. But not before the insertion of a Purport or transcendental explanation of the first section of Bhagavad America entitled: Unbelievable Final Clearance Sale.
Purport (Written by His Divine Grace Chuck E.Bucks):
Fact of the matter is the same as it was in the original Bhagavad story but there is one twist: Chairman K. actually works both sides of the opposing corporate forces. This is what R. Juna cannot see. Chairman K. has upped the ante in the spiritual superstore marketplace warfare (ssmw--SMAW ). I mean it sounds nice but remember that is PR---it's supposed to sound nice! They are paying beaucoups bucks and working their tails off to make it sound good!! In fact Beemer's strategy was to completely eradicate freedom, truth, understanding and peace on earth by forcing R. Juna to act. Bottomline is nobody can lose. This is the timeless message of Krishna---that which lives, lives always.
Be that as it may, for Beemer and R. Juna who are inside the conditioned corporate world, the conflict is absolutely a matter of passion and sacred duty. The strategy of Bhag-Mart is to put every other store out of business so that all of the citizens will be dependent upon one line of production, one set of merchandise, then the market will be perfectly predictable---hallelujah! By promoting fighting and opposition within the same organization, Chairman K. is allowing the Big Boys to truly profit, through 100% control of both the dark and light side of man's nature.
Another way of saying this: Bhagavad America is the widely read theistic science which accounts for human aspirations and cultural manifestations in the United States in the early part of the 21st century. The work in some sense parallels The Bhagavad-Gita where a sacred battle that lasts 18 days ensues on the field of Kurukshetra. There the hero, Arjuna, falls into despair and requests not to fight against his cousins and his uncles. In the present narrative, Mr. Beemer (Bhima and other epithets) is seen at the Kurukshetra Shopping Center promoting the Bhagavad America Sacred Superstore. Krishna appears in this story as the chairman of Bhagavad Enterprises. Unbelievable Price Reduction is the opening move of R. Juna and Chairman Krishna in the ‘marketing battle’ about to ensue. Ray Juna’s enemies are very unhappy with Bhagavad America’s current marketing strategy and the mention of non-spending ™ has R. Juna in a tizzie.
The station drifted into a scratchy noise, the dial got turned up from NPR.
"Is reality primarily remembered or anticipated---"
"Or both?" she interrupted.
THIS is BULLSHIT!!! ppbc (perfectpresencebroadcastingcorporation)(tm)
By the time you have written it down, you have already gone too far. Socrates' prohibition against writing philosophy as expressed in the Phaedrus. "Philosophy, itself, written down is sheer verbiage---the crucial thing is coming to the insight---experience is the key."
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